I warn you because this is a vent. Some things I’ve been meaning to get off my chest.

I don’t know why I choose to have friends that are emotionally unavailable to me. It seems like I am always the one calling, trying to set up plans with everyone in my life. I am a giver. I give and give until there is nothing, a living well. I don’t even expect anything back in return except it would be nice to be a pebble in someone’s mind every now and then.

Something happened to me this morning. I was literally shut out of someone’s life. Someone I considered a sister, a good friend. It’s painful to see sadness firsthand but I realized that I cannot let that person destroy my core, my strength. I am who I am. Im filled with concern for the people I let into my life. They don’t understand it yet, but I chose them. Normally, it takes awhile to crack the shell that surrounds me. The proverbial “Crab”. So it’s especially hurtful when I am shooed away, like a pest.

It is a given that everyone has their own life. I love my life. There is nothing more I would rather do than live inside of my bed with my hubby and daughter and never come out. I understand. But when I am left looking like an asshole for caring, something is seriously wrong. It comes down to not being appreciated. Maybe this person wasn’t a real friend to begin with. Such a shame.

Ok, I think I am feeling a lot better now that I got this out. I could go on but it’s pointless. I am 34.